Amidst the much fanfare of celebrating the new year and letting go of the past year, it suddenly dawned upon me that, it is up to me to set myself free. Free from all the worries, the apprehension, the waiting, the anticipation, the trepidation and the ambivalence of life…

I didn’t realise or had refused to acknowledge that all these years, I’ve allowed myself to be bogged down and limited by the bond I have. I am as free as I allow myself to be.

Freedom is not 6 months from now, but from this moment onwards. It had been those restrictions I put on myself, which has made me live the kind of life I’ve been leading for the past few years, ever since the event which affected me very much…

Until today, I still could not forget the hurt and pain I’ve felt then. The sudden feeling of being lost, being left alone, the feeling that I’m the only person left in this world, the feeling of being unwanted…

This realisation that this event has subconsciously affected me so much… so much that I’m unaware that it has been the hidden hand in my life for the past few years… leading to the downward fall on the life graph…

What am I waiting for?

Indeed, there’s something that I’ve been waiting for. And now, it is almost becoming a reality. However, I am very puzzled that I am not as happy as I wanted to be. I’m baffled. In fact, I felt sad. Sad that things are no longer the same, sad that it is not what I’ve always envisioned it to be. When I saw that sadness in the eyes, my heart fell down in a thud. I know that is the real truth, which the pair of eyes had failed to conceal while the face attempted to all these while.

I have to be true to myself. If I ask my heart, my heart would tell me to be happy. Heard of the phrase, when you are happy, I am happy too? How true.

I yearn for simple little things that many people take for granted. And as I yearn for that, I find myself feeling sad. Sad because I don’t know when that will be a reality. And when it is a reality, whether it is really what I envisioned it to be. Because the sadness I’ve seen in those eyes, is just too real to deny.

I’d rather no changes happen than to see that sadness in those eyes again. I’d rather just me feeling those sadness than have it multiply.

The pain is no longer bearable. I have to stop it. I have to treat myself better, because no one will or can. So I told myself that, from this moment, I will live every moment to the fullest and stop living in the past or in the future. Just like now, I’m appreciating the writing therapy I’m having now.

Whatever I am going to do from now onwards, every decision, every move, will serve to make me appreciate every moment to the fullest, appreciate the beauty of life, be happy and free.

It is my life and I decide how it should be.

And I choose to live life happily and freely, filled with abundance of love.

No one would appreciate myself and the sacrifices that I’ve made more than myself. And no one would understand myself better than myself…

At the same time, I’m grateful that, during these few years, there have been people who have been around me, cheering me up, making my day so much brighter. Thank you too to those people who gave me the opportunity to see how strong I can be, for testing my patience, for testing my resilience and flexibility, for challenging me, for testing how resourceful I can be.

Thank you too to the unspoken love I’ve felt and the spoken love that I will feel. Love is a feeling that warms the heart, while words are analysed by the brain. Which one is truer, you and I know best.

Maybe females are more fortunate. We are blessed with a very sharp and more sensitive receiver towards feelings, even to the slightest one. Some people term this the sixth sense. And most of the time, it is accurate. There are a lot of things that females know but never mentioned. Let it be a secret for us

After letting my soul free, I felt so much better. Let go. Let go. Let go. Just open your fists and let go, let go of whatever that has been limiting you, allowing yourself to be free again. That’s right…

Yah.. who I am, Makes a Difference!